Let me get this straight. Somehow these three little words are supposed to express our deepest emotions? Our most fervent longings? Our heartfelt pride? The meaning of our very existence?
I love you has become the Family Circus of self-expression. It’s overused. It’s cliche. It’s boring. At best, it’s a sappy, milquetoast expression of a silly shared fantasy of what we think love should be. At worst it’s cringe-worthy and disingenuous. But mostly it’s the emotional equivalent of going through life using baby-talk.
I love you represses true feelings. Why say what you really mean in your own words when Hallmark can do it for you? Out of fear of offending? Or perhaps fear of making yourself appear vulnerable? Is it laziness? Or are we simply so disconnected emotionally as a society, it’s a shared lie we all agree to tell?
Instead, of throwing out ambiguous I love yous, listen to your own feelings and choose a phrase that better suits how you truly feel. If you’re so tingly and turned on you’re going to pass out, say that instead. If you’re proud of your child, say that instead. If you’re grateful to a friend, say that instead. Be honest. Be real. Put yourself out there. That is what the loved ones in our lives really want. They want to connect with you just as you are.
I love you can be manipulative. If you say I love you, are you saying it with a free heart? Or because you expect the same response in return? By focusing on the response, you’re being manipulative with your I love you. You are looking to the response and feelings of another for your own validation. There’s nothing wrong with saying to your lover, “tell me you love me.” That’s honest and direct. But by playing on emotions and guilt to get the response you want, that’s just wrong.
The point I’m trying to make is really about listening to ourselves. Feelings are not something we should be afraid of expressing. Especially to those that would be worthy of receiving I love you in the first place!
Here’s some things you can say instead of I love you…
“You’re so hot.”
“You’re gorgeous.”
“You make me happy.”
“You’re a treasure.”
“You made my day.”
“I trust you.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“You’re spectacular.”
“You’re the best friend a person could have.”
Do you have any I love you alternatives you’d like to share?
