So Anyway About My Fish

I proposed.

She said yes.

What could be more exciting news than that?!

As we told our friends of the news almost everyone was thrilled and happy for us.  Yet there were also some strange and bizarre reactions as well.

“To each other?”

“You bastard, I knew you were going to do that!”

“Are you sure?  Most marriages end in divorce you know.”

?But the best one of all was:

“…so anyway about my fish.”

That came from a friend who was graduate student in fisheries.  To say he loved talking about his fish would be an understatement.  His fish were his life.  That’s all he talked about.   After we told him the news, he didn’t say congratulations.  He didn’t ask when the wedding would be.  He didn’t even have a sarcastic or negative comment.  He simply went right on talking about his fish.

While “so anyway about my fish” weren’t his exact words, it became our inside joke.  Our own catch-phrase that meant no less than an utter and complete failure of somebody to listen to the point of hilarity.

Think about conversations you’ve had with people in the past 24 hours.  Try to remember if you were guilty of any of the following:

  • You interrupted.
  • You failed to clue in on emotions.
  • You didn’t ask follow-up questions.
  • You were not sincere.
  • You rolled your eyes.
  • You sighed.
  • The first comment out of your mouth was negative or sarcastic.
  • The first comment out of your mouth was making a joke.

I’m an insufferable smartass.  I’m constantly struggling with that last one.   I catch myself all the time hijacking a conversation with attention grabbing shenanigans. (but it’s just sooooo fun!).

We’re all guilty being bad listeners from time to time.  Be more conscientious of your reactions during conversations.  You don’t want to be remembered as the “so anyway about my fish” guy.

Creative Commons License photo credit: jrgatormojo

90 Seconds a Day to Better Awareness

Can you listen and not make a comment?  Can you hear what somebody has to say and not express an opinion?  Can you be aware without reacting?
Awareness is a skill.  One that is surprisingly easy to get better at.  And also something that most people are absolutely lousy at.
Everyone can do this simple exercise to increase awareness. [...]

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Have You Tried Listening to Yourself

If you can’t hear yourself, you can’t hear anyone.

Are your strong words stopping you from listening? When you use phrases like “I’m certain of it” or “I know for a fact”, you are essentially saying you’re not open to listening. You’re not open to hearing another point of view.

Face it, you’re just being stubborn. Even if you think you do know something “for sure”, tone down your language if you expect to have a meaningful conversation.

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When Yes Means No

You can be a little imposing sometimes.
You’re charismatic.
Charming.
I don’t want to disappoint you.
So I say yes before thinking.

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According to Plan

Did you plan to meet somebody who would change your world?
Did you plan to discover a new band you would fall in love with?
Did you plan on losing your job?
Or wrecking you car?
Do you plan on smiling?
Laughing?
Crying?

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How Listening Powers the Creative Process

My daughter had an epic dream and wanted to share it. I was in the middle of something.

“Dad, put down your iPhone, I want you to listen to my dream.”

My wife and I stopped what we were doing and listened intently. What she shared was an epic story of adventure and discovery. To me it was part Alice in Wonderland, part Dark Tower, and part totally original.

Nothing short of amazing.

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Want better relationships?
More meaningful connections?
Stop trying to influence people.

Start listening.

Art of Listening