If you can’t hear yourself, you can’t hear anyone.

Are your strong words stopping you from listening? When you use phrases like “I’m certain of it” or “I know for a fact”, you are essentially saying you’re not open to listening. You’re not open to hearing another point of view.

Face it, you’re just being stubborn. Even if you think you do know something “for sure”, tone down your language if you expect to have a meaningful conversation.

For example, try saying “I’m inclined to believe” or “I’ve been taught” or even “I could be wrong but here’s how I see things”. Phrases like these are listening friendly. They invite people to be more forthcoming and open with you. It also makes the conversation less confrontational and more about exploring a topic of interest with someone.

People tend to be terrible at this when it comes to talking about politics, religion or computer operating systems. For fun, try having a conversation with a friend or acquaintance on one of these topics using listening-friendly phrases. See how far either of you can get before your strong words take over and you stop listening.

photo credit: James Jordan